Though most romantic films would have us believe otherwise, saying “I do” doesn’t always imply a marriage full of sunshine and daffodils (which, to be honest, sounds a little boring!). Bringing your vows to life day after day is a never-ending process, and there’s no shame in seeking expert marital guidance to ensure your love story lasts a lifetime.

We spoke with Rachel Facio, a registered marriage and family therapist, on navigating love tales that don’t come with a script. She’s a relationship expert who’s providing all of her finest (and tastiest) advice on how to maintain evolving as a pair.

1. The Quality (Not Quantity) of Your Sex Life Is What Counts

It’s time to break free from nonsensical arithmetic calculations if you’ve ever Googled how much sex you should have in your relationship. “The days of thinking that if you have sex with your partner X number of times a week, your marriage is solid or on the rocks are long gone,” adds Facio. “Totally untrue.” “If healthy intimacy occurs half of the time in your relationship, i.e. snuggling, flirting, playing, sharing, supporting, challenging, exploring, and [you’re having] sex,” she continues, “then you are better off than half of the couples on the earth.”

2. Boundaries Are Your Friend

Self-care, it turns out, isn’t simply a hot Instagram fad; it’s an essential component of any healthy relationship. “Solid limits around taking care of yourself, spending time [as a couple], and spending time with family and friends [are] vital to the marathon that is marriage,” Facio argues. If you’re constantly exhausted, it’s essential to assess if you have “unhealthy boundaries around employment, duties to others, and so on [since] they can not only take a toll on [you as an] person, but also on the partnership.”

3. Arguing Really Is Healthy (When Done Fairly)

We’ve all heard that having disagreements in a relationship may be beneficial, but how do you keep them productive? “As long as you do it respectfully, healthy disputes are part of a growing and maturing marriage,” Facio says. Fortunately for us, she explains how: “Nothing heats up an argument like a partner who feels unseen/unheard.” Sticking to ‘I’ statements [i.e. starting a dialogue with ‘I feel this’ instead of ‘you did this’], acknowledging and reflecting what [your partner] says before sharing your views/opinions, and decreasing your interrupting roll are all examples of constructive arguing.”

4. Before You Have Kids…Get a Pet

“Go acquire a pet if you’re curious about your parenting approaches, gender role expectations, and projections from your childhood,” Facio suggests. “Then, be upfront and honest about how you and your beau are raising your pet baby—it will give you some fantastic insight and debate about future things to consider when having a family.”

5. Their Family Is Your Family

You devote yourself to a person’s entire family when you marry them. In Facio’s practice, conflicts about how to navigate these dynamics are common, and she’s got her counsel down to a science: “Keep the trash talk to a minimum,” she advises, “because nothing separates a partnership faster than feeling that your spouse despises your family.” You should, however, maintain a safe distance as needed. “This doesn’t mean you can’t have limited hang time with them and set strong boundaries,” Facio explains, “but remember—they’re still family, they made your partner, and they’re not going anywhere.”

6. Work Through Your Money Feelings

She asks, “Can I scream this one from the rooftops?” You’re not alone if seeing the word “M-word” makes you feel uneasy. “Everyone has money troubles, baggage, and strange/shamey/strong thoughts about money,” Facio explains. Her best piece of advice? “Talk. About. It. A LOT. With. Your. Partner.” Gulp. “Sit down [and] talk about how much you two make, [and] where it all goes each month,” she adds to this point. Who is a saver and who is a spender? What are your thoughts on major purchases, vacations, money, and long-term planning? Discuss it frequently—and early in the relationship/marriage.”