It’s a difficult time to form any kind of relationship, but dating is especially difficult. The ideal venues for getting to know someone new are digital ones, especially in regions where it’s getting colder outside.
Many people in long-distance relationships (including myself) are significantly more accustomed to online relationships because that is where they began in many situations.
Long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain, especially in today’s society, but they may be extremely gratifying and rewarding. I’m not monogamous, and my two longest romantic relationships are with people I met on social media who live far away from me. I haven’t been able to see either of the partners I love in person in about nine months, but we’ve managed to keep our link and love for each other alive, as many long-distance couples are doing right now. Isn’t that appealing?
If you’re thinking about dating someone you met on the internet (or just trying to keep your current relationship going), here’s some advise on how to make meeting and being with someone from a distance work.
What to know before getting into something
What do you want from this connection? Taking stock of our needs and expectations allows us to better appreciate how they might interact with the desires and expectations of the people we care about. This enables for an easier (if not simpler) journey through romance and all of its potential problems. While we may not always be able to be completely honest with ourselves or recognize how our aspirations may change, we may do our best to figure out what we want.
What exactly are you searching for in an internet date? What do you hope to get out of this partnership? Do you want to be monogamous? Are you happy to be into each other from afar, or do you want a partner to get physically closer to you? It’s critical to understand not only what the two of you want, but also what’s really achievable (especially during the pandemic, when most kinds of travel are likely to put you and others at risk).
What you get online isn’t totally who someone is—and that’s OK. The impression you get from social media or a dating profile isn’t always accurate of who a person is in real life. That doesn’t mean they’re trying to hide their flaws, but it could indicate they’re expressing themselves in the way that feels most natural to them. Just remember that idealizing them on that basis isn’t fair, and it’s not in either of your best interests. Carolyn Yates, a consultant and sex writer who has had long-distance online-based relationships that have resulted in anything from sexy friendship to divorce, said, “You get to see some of who they are in the picture they give you, but not all of it.” It’s like you can see them through a webcam, but you can’t see how (figuratively) dirty their room is beyond the camera.” Even and especially if you’re enthusiastic about someone, don’t lose sight of them as a real person.
You need to communicate clearly about your feelings, expectations, and even communicating itself. That isn’t to say that you have to chat all the time. It does imply that you should discuss how often you want to talk, as well as a variety of other topics. It makes everything flow a lot more smoothly if you both have investigated your feelings about what you want from this romance and can be honest about your expectations, needs, and wants.
Meredith Russo, an author living in Brooklyn, met her current spouse on her Discord server, who lives in Wisconsin. When she starts a long-distance relationship with someone she met on the internet (which she has done a few times). Russo, 33, sets her expectations and boundaries as early as feasible. “I’m not moving out of New York City, and I’m not giving monogamy unless our distance changes and we’re near enough to be physically in each other’s company on a regular basis,” Russo said. Whatever your personal terms are, it’s critical to fight for them early on so that you and your partner are on the same page.
